When I teach or mentor new coaches, I talk about four levels of coaching--four levels from which we can approach whatever the client brings to us for the session. Life has the same four levels, if we look at it in really simple and straightforward terms.

The surface level is the "drama"--the "he said, she said, then this happened, and then she said, and then he said" level. It's so easy to get caught up in that level and start reacting to the drama around us. Think about when you have gotten caught in the drama level recently. It happens to all of us--you aren't alone!

The next level down is the "situation" level--what's really going on, what really happened or is happening, who's responsible for it or who's fault is it, and what do we do about it? For example, perhaps at work there was a breakdown on a project that caused a huge blowup in the team and everyone has taken sides and is pointing fingers. Who is to blame and what do we do about it? You could also call this the "just fix it" level.

The third level down is the "choice" level. At this level you ask "Who am I within this situation?" What's your role in how the situation came to be, what's happening now, and where it will go from here? Who do you choose to be in relationship to this situation? There is very little in our culture that supports dropping down to this level. As a culture we unfortunately default to the "drama" or "fix it" level. We are well trained to be problem solvers, look for who or what to blame, and stay at the second level. Here at the choice level, you realize that, although you may not be able to change the circumstances or situation right away, you can at least choose who you will be within the situation. And that's a huge step beyond where most people go. Now you are claiming your responsibility and choice in the matter and starting to create something new.

Finally, there is the fourth level, the deepest level, the one that we rarely get to in our culture. This is the "opportunity" level. When we drop down to this level, our first question is "what's the opportunity here?" or "what wants to happen?" Here's where the true power lies. Here's where the gold is. This situation has happened for some reason. It wants to tell you something--to help you clearly recognize something that is not working or wants to change or to heal. It wants you to pay attention--to recognize or learn something so that a similar situation doesn't have to happen again, and even more importantly, so that everyone involved grows and moves forward. Approaching life from the opportunity level cuts to the chase. It gets right to what is out of alignment very quickly and brings things into alignment so that synergy and synchronicity can occur. Asking "What wants to happen?" opens you to much greater awareness and gives you access to much greater insight and information than just fixing it as fast as you can, and certainly brings much greater awareness than you find while reacting at the drama level!

Learning to live at the opportunity level starts with being focused and disciplined enough to step beyond the drama, and then being courageous enough to say there's more to life and leadership than solving problems. It starts with being bold enough to choose who you will be within situations, what relationship you will have to circumstances, and to make a habit of asking that question, "What's the opportunity here?" for everyone involved.

Living at the opportunity level engages your soul. It gives you the space to get in touch with your soul mission, your life purpose, and then listen to that mission for how it wants to be lived through this situation or circumstance. At this fourth level, you are able to recognize all the parts of your life--work, relationships, family, friends--as vehicles for living your soul mission. If you try to figure out how to fit your soul into your life, it will never happen. Yet when you commit to living a life that is grounded in your soul and soul mission--to all of life offering opportunities for living deeper and truer to who you really are--things start to change. Your life takes on much greater meaning and you greet each morning with excitement for what you get to create that day. I invite you to make the opportunity level your home--to make "What wants to happen here?" your default approach no matter what. I invite you to live from this much deeper awareness. Can you make this shift over night? Probably not. Can it happen in a few weeks? With focused awareness and attention, you can definitely see change within a matter of weeks. And you will recognize that this change is only the beginning--that living from soul is a lifetime journey of opportunity, growth, adventure, new experiences--it's about truly being a master at the art of living.

In summary, there are two truly essential keys to getting on the fast track for transformation and growth, leading a rewarding and fulfilling life, and making a significant contribution to the world:

1. Engaging your soul and soul mission in ongoing conversation, following its lead, and creating the life it calls you to live.
2. Making your first questions in any situation or moment, "What wants to happen? What's the opportunity here?" and then responding accordingly.

Easy concepts to grasp, perhaps. Yet I learned a long time ago that while these concepts are simple and straightforward, living the concepts can be challenging. It's through meeting your challenges as opportunities, however, that you discover who you really are, recognize the difference you are here to make in the world, and actually do it.

Michelangelo said that the greatest danger for most of us is not that we'll aim too high and not make it, but that we will aim too low and we will make it. The soul doesn't engage when the bar for life is too low. The soul yearns for growth, adventure, new learning, and giving back to the world. It thrives when you align your life with the greater universal evolutionary flow and respond to what wants to happen as a way of life. Start living on the fourth level of opportunity and watch your life transform.

About the Author:

Alan Seale is an award-winning author, inspirational speaker, leadership and transformation coach, and spiritual mentor. He coaches leaders to live and work from a greatly expanded personal consciousness and a high level of self-awareness, to facilitate transformation, and to realize their personal and leadership potential. He lives his soul mission - to "liberate and empower", and feels privileged to help others discover and live their soul's mission, develop their intuitive abilities for success, and become dynamic and effective leaders in both their personal and professional lives. The essence of Alan's work is re-awakening soul awareness in our culture, initiating and inspiring soul-informed conversation, and igniting new paradigms of leading and living informed by authentic soul expression and connection.

You can find out more about Alan's work at his website, http://www.alanseale.com

Do you often walk away from people thinking, "Did I say the right thing?"; "Did I offend someone?"; "Should I have said or asked...?"?

Do you frequently hear that "little voice" in your head saying, "What will they think?"?

Do you often feel you need to be a certain way, and you can't just be yourself?

Most people are concerned about what others think about them, and many say and do things just to get the approval of others. These thoughts and behaviors seem to be so much a part of who we are and are so common in others that we assume that they are just part of being human.

However, you can eradicate these thoughts and behaviors forever.

How? By eliminating the beliefs that cause them. Although this problem can be caused by different beliefs in different people, there is one specific belief that anyone with this problem almost certainly has: "What makes me good enough is having people think well of me."

Today I'm going to tell you how this belief is formed, why so many people have it (maybe even you), and how getting rid of this belief will transform your life.

Early in life, many of us form negative beliefs about ourselves, like "I'm not good enough." (Almost every one of the 13,000 clients we've had from 34 countries around the world has had this belief.) Because most parents expect children to do things that are unrealistic for their age (such as be neat and quiet and come when called at the age of three or four), and because most parents get frustrated, annoyed, or angry when their children don't do what they're told, most children conclude "there must be something wrong with me" if Mom and Dad are upset with me so often, or "I'm not good enough."

Because our beliefs about ourselves are usually formed during the first six years of life, most of us already have this belief when we leave our homes and go out into the world of teachers, other kids, school, etc. Obviously a belief like this would make us think as we start school, "How will I get people to like me, and how will I make it in the world if I'm not good enough?"

And those thoughts, in turn, would lead to us feeling "not okay" about ourselves and anxious to some extent.

And then one day a solution appears. We do something that our parents (or perhaps a teacher or coach) like, and they give us a very positive response. How does that make us feel? Happy and very good about ourselves.

The first few times that happens, we feel good but don't make anything of it. And then after this progression of events occurs a few times we conclude: If I didn't feel good about myself, and then after getting praise and/or positive attention I do feel good about myself, what that means is "what makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me."

This is a very special type of belief. It is a belief that tells us what needs to happen in order to experience being okay. And when it doesn't happen, we don't feel very good about ourselves.

Well, if we don't experience being good enough the way we are and we need something outside ourselves to become good enough, how often would we want that outside something to occur? All the time! Any time anyone doesn't like us, rejects us, or thinks poorly of us, we have lost our "survival strategy," our method for making us feel good about ourselves. At that point the underlying belief "I'm not good enough" is uncovered and stares us in the face, leaving us feeling not good enough and producing some level of anxiety.

As a result, the need to have others think well of us is experienced like a drug addiction by many people. When they achieve it, they feel good for the moment, but it's only a matter of time before they need another "fix." At that point they become obsessed about getting it.

There are other "survival strategy" beliefs, such as "What makes me good enough is doing things perfectly"; "What makes me good enough is being successful/wealthy" (Can you see now why some people are obsessed with this?); and "What makes me good enough is taking care of others." And it's possible to have more than one. But based on our experience in our private practice, "having people think well of me" is the most common.

It now should be clear why so many people are obsessed about what others think about them: Most people have the belief "I'm not good enough" (or some variation of it), and "having people think well of me" is the remedy most of us have found to cover up the anxiety that stems from having that belief.

If the obsession about having people think well of us is a direct result of having several beliefs, the way to get rid of the obsession is to get rid of these beliefs.

*****
You can eliminate "I'm not good enough" using our free interactive Web program at http://www.recreateyourlife.com. You also can buy a program that will enable you to eliminate "What makes me good enough is having people think well of me," as well as a number of other crippling beliefs.
 

About the Author:

Morty Lefkoe is president and founder of The Lefkoe Institute. He is the creator of a series of psychological processes (The Lefkoe Method) that result in profound personal and organizational change, quickly and permanently. He created a revolutionary way to deliver his method online that you can sample free by going here.

Check out the Experts page for Morty Lefkoe, the SelfGrowth.com Official Guide to Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence.